Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Anxiety

Anxiety is a natural emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. However, when anxiety becomes overwhelming or persistent, it can hinder a child's emotional and social development. As parents and caregivers, it is important to recognize how anxiety in our children can trigger anxiety in ourselves. This understanding is the first step toward helping our children manage their anxiety in healthy and constructive ways.

Here are practical strategies to support children and adolescents in coping with anxiety:

1. Recognize How Our Children’s Anxiety Raises Our Own Anxiety

When a child experiences anxiety, it can stir feelings of anxiety in us as caregivers. We may feel an urge to protect them, to fix their discomfort, or to help them avoid stressful situations. However, it’s crucial to recognize that our own anxiety can escalate the situation.

By staying grounded and present, we can provide the calm and reassurance our children need. Acknowledging our emotions and practicing self-regulation will help us respond thoughtfully instead of reacting out of anxiety.

Tip: Practice mindful breathing or take a short break to center yourself when you feel your anxiety rising in response to your child’s distress.

2. Recognize What Sparks Anxiety in Our Children and Help Them See It

Each child’s anxiety triggers may differ. It could be a social situation, academic pressure, performance expectations, or fear of failure. Identifying these triggers helps us understand what our child is going through and validates their feelings.

Encourage open communication by asking them how they feel and what specifically is causing their anxiety. Helping them label their anxiety can bring a sense of control to the situation. Once identified, we can work together to find solutions or coping strategies.

Tip: Use gentle questions like, "What’s going through your mind right now?" or "What part of this situation feels the hardest for you?"

3. Use Cognitive Tools to Help Ourselves Regulate Our Own Anxiety, and Teach These Tools to Our Children

As adults, we have the capacity to use cognitive tools to regulate our own anxiety. These tools can include mindfulness, reframing negative thoughts, and grounding exercises. Teaching these tools to our children equips them with lifelong strategies to handle anxiety.

Mindful Breathing: Encourage deep, slow breathing when anxiety strikes. This helps activate the body’s relaxation response, calming the nervous system.

Reframing Negative Thoughts: Teach your child to challenge irrational thoughts. For example, if they’re worried about a test, help them reframe it: "I may feel nervous, but I can do my best, and that's enough."

Tip: Practice these tools together so that both you and your child feel comfortable using them during stressful times.

4. Encourage Our Children to Face Their Fears

One of the most effective ways to cope with anxiety is to face fears head-on. Avoidance only strengthens anxiety in the long term. Encourage your child to take small steps toward their fear, gradually building confidence.

Start with less intimidating situations and work your way up. Acknowledge their courage in taking these steps, no matter how small they seem.

Tip: Celebrate progress, even if it’s just a baby step. Let your child know that facing fear is a brave and important act.

5. Remind Our Children of Their Own Data

Anxiety often feeds on doubt and uncertainty. Remind your child of their past successes and the strengths they’ve demonstrated in difficult situations. Reflect on times when they’ve been brave, solved problems, or overcome challenges.

This "data" helps create a sense of self-efficacy, reinforcing the idea that they have the tools and abilities to cope with whatever comes their way.

Tip: Create a “success jar” where you write down positive moments, achievements, and brave actions. Review it together when anxiety arises.

6. Bring Them into the Present Moment

Anxiety often involves fear of future events or regret over past ones. By guiding our children back into the present moment, we can help them focus on what is happening now rather than getting lost in worries.

Use grounding techniques such as focusing on their five senses. For example, you can say, “Let’s take a moment to notice three things we can see, two things we can hear, and one thing we can touch.”

Tip: Practice mindfulness together, using short activities like a "5-4-3-2-1" grounding exercise to stay present.

7. Have Them Do Something for Others

Shifting focus away from our own anxiety can be powerful. Encourage your child to help others in small ways, whether it's offering a kind word, helping with a task, or volunteering. Helping others not only builds empathy but also gives children a sense of purpose and control.

Tip: Create opportunities for your child to give back, whether it’s helping a sibling, volunteering, or assisting with household tasks.

8. Get Them Back in Their Bodies

Anxiety often disconnects us from our physical selves. Encourage activities that help your child reconnect with their body and release pent-up tension. This could include dancing, playing a sport, doing yoga, or even simple stretches.

Physical activity is a natural anxiety reducer, as it helps release endorphins that improve mood and reduce stress.

Tip: Schedule regular physical activities together to release tension and foster a sense of well-being.

9. At a Very Early Age, Have Children Start Practicing Making Decisions and Doing Things for Themselves, and Let Them Experience the Result of Their Decisions and Actions

Allowing children to make decisions and experience the consequences—whether positive or negative—helps build resilience and confidence. The more empowered they feel in their ability to make choices, the less anxiety they will experience when faced with challenges.

Encourage children to take responsibility for small tasks, such as picking out their clothes, planning a meal, or choosing a project. When they see the impact of their decisions, they build trust in their own abilities.

Tip: Allow children to make mistakes and experience setbacks. Use these moments as opportunities for growth, reflection, and learning.

Helping children and adolescents cope with anxiety requires patience, empathy, and consistent effort. By recognizing what sparks anxiety, teaching coping tools, and empowering children to face their fears, we provide them with the skills to navigate life’s challenges. At the same time, we must also practice self-regulation as caregivers, ensuring we provide a calm and supportive presence for our children. With time, these strategies can help our children build resilience, confidence, and a healthy relationship with their emotions.